An unforgettable Day.

An Unforgettable day-

                                 

                                                                         (28-August-2013)

T

he dead night broke into dawn with early ring of temple bell. It was pitch morning but people  hovered around. I was feeling damn drowsy. I was squinting to figure out someone at the far end of the temple but to no avail. I was incessantly rubbing my eyes in a hope to have clear sight of what were all around. I rubbed my eyes to red but still, sight was blurred. I was standing at terrace. I could see the huge depth of building.It's my hostel allocated for academic session 2013-2014.Unlike past years, i have privacy this year. I can do whatever i like in my room. Because we get single room in final year. In fact, i'm on the top of my three-storied hostel  building feeling lost to oneself.To the right,i can see a majestic Hindu temple.I could hear chanting of mantras and prayers.It makes my mind wholesomely religious.  I could feel the sensation of goodness in me. It was almost four years before, when my dad said," Ram, you are going far away. A place unknown to you. But the place you’re heading to is the most renowned for both Hindu origin as well as Buddhist. Take a holy bath in Ganga and bring me Ganga Jal. It frees us off all the sin we did, if we take a bath". He didn't say much,may be because he didn't know whole length of story.But he did know more than i did. I wondered from where he got all those info.

I was standing on terrace of patel hostel, gently feeling the warmth of sun rays as it kisses every geographical features it meets.I could feel the radiance of sun on my face,warming up continuously.Unlike other days, the prayers and mantras continued for quite long.Actually,my college was closed for the day.I didn't have to attend lecture.Wow..i liked that feeling as i always do.But what made to wake up early??....I never go to morning walk or morning gym.Though i make my short appearance at gym at evening just to work on my biceps.I was pondering what special the day had in store for me.I continued to watch people loiter.Suddenly,i felt some thrust from within.A thrust compelling me to pray and wish for something.I closed my eyes and prayed,,"May god bless all sentient being and free them from suffering...May god grant me......", before i could finished my wish,a guy called me "Bhaiya"..i swiftly turned to find black complexioned and sturdy boy..I didnt know how long had he been watching me there.He must have seen me watching at temple.May be he thought i was too holy.He plunged his hand deep deep inside a plastic..and took out lodu.."Do you take prasad..i got it from temple just before.Today is auspicious day.Its krishna Janamasthni ".I shrugged.Oh..is it? i said in low tone after a brief pause.He nods  his head as a gesture of assurance. He  handed me a handfull of prasad and he shuffled away. i was spell bound.I couldnot do anything.I just smiled to myself considering it as the miracle of believing in god.

I took the Prasad on my hand and threw a last glance to the temple.I decended slowly through the staircase leading to attic from my room. My room is located on top floor. Exactly the middle room of the wing C. On the steel beam on top of the door, it is written room No: 172..To make it more identical.My door bears my name, Mr. Ram B. Darjee, B.Tech. Civil Engg-Final year.All my friend has same thing written on their door and even they have their hobby mentioned vividly on it.

It was dead silent along the corridor except for the sound of leaves  rustling. All my Bhutanese friend are still in dream land. May be dreaming of their beautiful ladies back home.Their doors are locked but still I could hear some of them snoring. I could figure a handful of hard working Indian friend preparing for job which offers them crore packages. I unlocked my door and got in. I placed Prasad on paper infront of my little altar.Which bears Lord Saraswati protrait,A bhagawat Gita Book and Buddhist text and Dalai lama portrait.Instantly,I went to washroom,refreshed myself and lighted intense stick.Thanking that guy who offered me Prasad.I prayed for all sentient being and prayed all my wishes come true.

I was amazed the way the day started off. I genuinely felt optimistic for the day. But there were other things in my head apart from holistic feeling.To put in accord, it had been exactly a month since I had seen a queen of my heart: Which I have described in my previous story. The feeling that trigger off  my heart to dead extent. I wished it come true. I tried to convince her several times. But each time I tried, I failed. I used to see my phone hundreds of time just to check if I had received a text from her. Hardly did I receive text from her then. More interestingly, I saved her number as “Dream Gal”. Sometime, in my awful failure to convince her. I thought that “dream gal” would just be in dream. Least, I knew it would happen in real. I sent her a last proposal text to her a day before. My proposal text read:

Hii dea…love doesn’t happen all at  once. It takes time. For me you are the epitome of beauty. I feel that we can work very well together. we are from same situational  background. We two share lot of similarities in hobby,likes and dislikes.It certainly would make our relation an

awesome…never think for short term.Think for future,analyze and make rational decision. You can take your time and decide.i will respect your decision.Today is my last proposal.Even if you don’t accept me I will be loving you to the time immortal.I will be there if you need a shoulder to lean on, palm to cover your face and hand to wipe your tears away.I will accept you at anytime as love of my life. Remember, I really love you a lot. Please understand me. I await your reply………….gunit n swtdrm…..

I’m very bad at writing essay on other topics. I hardly pen down few pages.On contrary, when I’m in love. Pages of book and ink finishes but not my sentence entwined with silken feeling.I have not gone through such excruciating feeling of love before.it used to be just superficial one before. Never a deep and true feeling  as that day had happened before.Among the thousand of feelings in my head,I even didn’t have single feeling  that  the reply would be positive. She have even texted me one night,”You can purpose me thousand time but my answer would never change. It will be big “No” always”.The sentence killed me evrytime I thought of.But unkown to other, in the earnest corner of my heart I knew that one day she would be mine. She would like me one day. Perhaps, she would love me for  whole life and seven generation. This  were the typical feeling that occupied my head for the entire day.

I neither took breakfast nor lunch. I was not hungry.” No”…I was hungry but didn’t want to take anything. I know all of us would feel the same way when we are in emotional turmoil/ trauma.We forget  that we are hungry in  the bad and demanding situations. At night I was inside the room all alone. A man lost to despair.Ting..tong…Ting tong…doorbell rang. He must have ringed several times but I didn’t hear. I wouldn’t hear because I dozed off with phone on my hand. Like poor victimized boy. I lazily flung open the door. ”still sleeping…like pig….”,Damchoe roared like a lion. I nodded to swallow whatever he told with dignity. ”let’s  go for maggi”…he said in somber but energetic tone. “oye..maggi maggi……”,he shouted on top of his voice to other friends. I put on a track pant. Thanks to them, at least I ate  something.

They were all happy. They debated on various topic ranging from engineering to politics. But I felt aloof. I felt melancholy. They did notice but they dare not tell me. I didn’t tell them either. I was afraid that they would mock at me.

I returned to the room. I laid on bed with my face upward. All I could see was fan at its full speed, Cloths haphazardly hung at one side and 200watt bulb with intense luminosity on the other side. It was almost 10 pm. For the last time, I check my phone. I would not have seen my simple i-ball phone so often, has it not been her message flashing in it. My “dream gal”. The time were so critical. I was dying to receive her reply. I felt I was head over heel in love with her. i didn’t know when I dozed off until I heard a message sound in my phone. I woke up as if spring was attached on my back. May be I could have out skilled Zackie Zan in fastness that time. I immediately opened the message box. The message flashes on my phone screen..one sms from some unknown number. But it was having Bhutan code (+975-).Alas! it’s not her number. Again, I was plunged into pool of sadness.

But when I opened.It read…..

…..When I recall my past days it only evokes frustration.I always hated my life because everything that took place was not my expectations.My prayers were not answered and everything was against me.But in the harsh reality of my life,you came as a sweet surprise and occupied my heart.I’m really happy to know that you still want me even after knowing the truth.So today,I want to accept you as my love and say from inner core of my heart that” I LOVE YOU TOO”.My heart is very fragile so please never try to betray me.I want to live for for you now and forever..Luv u alys n tkcr…n sorry that I hurt you before….

Wow…my happinese knew no boundary.I couldnot believe my eyes.I shaked my head to confirm  that I was awake. My hand was shivering. My heart pounding faster. I couldnot believe what I had seen on my low quality phone screen. I felt I got what I wished for. All those black complexion boy, handful of Prasad splashes on my head.I thank that guy who reminded me of the special day as I could pray for my wish to be granted.I didn’t know what to do.I walk along a small lobby smiling  wholeheartedly  to my self.I felt the message brought me alive.It rekindle hope to live on this earth.I was as happy as pea-cock.

I, with abnormal feeling browsed a net. I type krisna Janamasthni. It  says”It is the day where lord Krishna reincarnate to end evil and bring goodwill .It also the auspicious as it bring unity and faith” .I become entirely blessed .I was overwhelmed as acceptance happened on the auspicious day. I wish and pray the good to outshine the evil. May our love anecdote be an immortal. May god bless us with happiness, make us a perfect partner forever.

With all these feeling in my mind, I ringed her. I put phone close to my ear and listen her ever sweet caller ring tone…“Hum Teri bina..abu rahai nahi sakti..teri bina kabujuda kiya”.. i lost confidence. I ended call and gathered guts.Then I rang her again.”Hum Teri bina..abu rahai nihi sakti..…..” ,Hello!”, She said. And continued,” Are you angry with me?”. I didn’t know what to say. I just mumbled with words. I was so nervous with happiness. She understood me being nervous and said” its oki..gudnit”.Wow..that  were really sweet words she uttered. It still rings in my ears. I finally gathered courage and said,”Thank you so much..and gunit and swtdrm to u too…”.Love is something that happens in so real even when lovers are miles away.The true and real meaning of love is you!!

My love story.

                

You are answer to my mom’s prayer.

I don’t remember much. It’s vague now. The memoir just take birth in my mind. The night was as usual. The night, so beautiful that  we ever have in Bhutan, so serene and soothing. The night held its silence, only I could feel was enticing breeze swapping my uncovered face. I could hear a couple of dogs hauling down along the street and the rustling of leaves of big old tree just behind my room. I could see the twinkle of sky and calmness of moon. With silver lining of cloud already bygone, sky was crystal clear except few block of cloud. I don’t know what I was doing there. Alone, lost in thought. The thought that was never clear and vivid. I never loved solidarity. The night just drove me insane. Through all my life, I was never entrapped in such a feeling. Feeling that was so strong, energetic, holistic and ephemeral. It was unusual for me; for I had never plunged into such feeling before. But one thing, that I was sure was that the feeling was genuine. I could weigh the intensity of it. Feeling that was even too heavy for my little heart to hold. i looked all around. It seemed different. I couldn’t believe my eyes. i rubbed my eyes simultaneously. It almost turned red. i looked again but it seemed different as I did before. I took three steps more and looked back. I felt as if I was heading towards the path unknown. The path that nobody took before. I feared for its bleak end. But before I could take another step, someone called me. The voice was barely audible. When I turned back it was my mom reminding me to sleep, as it was already late night. Slowly, I saunted back to my room. I prostrated to god and closed my eyes for beautiful dreams. But one that struck my mind was something is going to happen. Something unpredictable, unimaginable and mysterious yet not too strong to fathom.

I don’t remember who woke me up.I woke first among all. Even my mom  was still on her bed. She was doing bit of farewell to sleep. My brother on left corner was still snoring loud. On my right, my niece was still dreaming with her hair gone loose. Strand of hair covered her cute face partially. I was staring at all of them. They all appeared so dissolved in their own world. I rolled my eye balls back to mom. She was chanting prayers. Her eyes closed and body straight. Through all my life, I had never seen her doing so. Even there were times, when I thought to myself that she was non believer in god. She many a times hated being religious. I didn’t continued staring her. Rather, I quickly moved my eyes away from her. I didn’t want her to notice me. It took couple of minutes, before I sensed her moving towards door. I remained silent. I knew she didn’t notice me being awake either. After all, I slept till mid-day on other days. She returned after five minutes. She flash her look on all of us.May be it gave her satisfaction of being mother by doing so. “Oh you woke “, said she. The voice was feeble but was strong in emotion. Ya, ama, I said in low assuring tone. I felt her love. I lived dawned in her love since my birth. As, mother is the first girl a son  fall in love with. ”You get ready and I will prepare you breakfast ok”, she said.I shook my head as gesture of agreement. It didn’t take me more time. I got ready. Before I could style my hair she came with beak fast. ”Do it fast, cap will leave at 6.30 am and its already 6.15am”,she said looking at her watch to confirm.” I got milk for you instead of tea. It’s good to drink milk when you embark on long journey”, she mumbled with tinge of smile on her face. Yes, really it seems. I supported her.

I did eat my breakfast at accelerated rate. I had three small luggage. She helped me reach my luggage to cap station. I checked my watch. It read 6.27am.Only three minutes for me to leave.She came near to me. She looked straight to my eyes. I lowered mine to avoid eye contact. “son, you know..” she started. It’s traditional that elderly give advice on the verge of leaving. It’s our culture. Culture that came thriving through ages.” You have big task ahead..”..she continued.” I have faith in you.You can become somebody. You got that potential.At this juncture, I want to wish you very  best of luck in everything you do.God bless you always.As your mom, I will always be happy to see you being happy and being successful”. She  covered her face in her palm. She sob with heavy heart.I was unaware what made her sob so heavily.I looked at driver. He stretches his slim hand to clean rear glass.Then,he starts the engine.Before,I could say byee ama,she held my hand.She hugged me and said,” You will meet beautiful partner,because I have prayed for you. So that she will make you realize you dream.Good luck son”.Thank you ama,I said. I couldn't control my tears.It rolled down my cheeks.But I tried to be strong and got inside the bus.No sooner did I enter the bus,then the bus started. With the heavy heart, I adjusted myself on the seat. I threw quick look on all passengers. Every one was serious and moody.

Unlimited thinking stirred up in my brain. Now what else, I thought. I reach my hand on my luggage pocket. I caught hold of my cell and thought it would end everything going on in my mind. I will listen some songs, I said to myself. But every songs I had was old one, so I switch over to facebook. I checked who all are online.There were just few of them.I were not acquainted with all of them. I lost interest in it too. Suddenly, I saw a new friend on right hand corner of facebook Page.It says one mutual friend, +Add Friend.i clicked her name.I would say, she had beautiful name.I checked her photos,as we all normally do.She had only two photos. One photo blurred too much but other one clear. She appeared so beautiful.I couldnot help myself downloading her photo.i felt as if I knew her from past generation. She appeared dazzling. My eye got glued to her photo. For some time ,I forgot the world. She became my world.The imagined how she looked in real. How elegant would she look if she were near.I was even becoming judgemental. I comapared her with beauty queen.But no one could beat her beauty.

She had her hair tied up into pony tail, with few strands of it falling on her face. Her eyes was unmatchable. It glowed throwing it radiance all around. Its luminosity pervades all light. I could see the beauty of world through her eyes.It was so attractive. It prompted me to the extent of checking my eyes on the glass. i forget everything.The world outside bore no meaning for me. The world outside seemed devoid of feeling. I touched her hair on my phone screen. It appeared so silky, soft and full of fragrance. Then I move my finger on her lips.i could feel a freshness in it.It appeared as if she blushed to red with my soothing touch. i could not describe what type of feeling I developed for her. But I knew I could not get away from her.”hy..what are you doing Ram”,a voice resounded.I was so engrossed.I felt reluctant to even move my eyes a bit.But before I could resolve,he came infront and shook hand.”hi

,,I’m Pema.Infact, we studied together.Friends used to call me ‘Bull’.We even stayed in same hostel”, he continued with his intro.But I was least interested in it.I just shook my head to give a lead.he wished me happy journey and he got seated.I felt happy that he remembered me but nostalgic feeling grabbed me.

No sooner he got away, I resumed my own tast.i thought for a while.I put my hand on my left chest.I could sense my heart beating faster. My brain abnormally heated up. I didn’t know what to do and more importantly what caused it.I found myself spell bound. I felt entrapped.I felt engrossed with all my heart. She kindled the feeling of love in my heart.I hesitated even to look beyond my mobile screen which displayed beautiful picture of her. Knowing not what to do, I sent her friend request. Every day, I just logged in to see if she has accepted me.i became dumb founded. In reality I’m brave and bold.But,I got drunk with the poison of love. Time passed but feeling grew fonder day after day.I gathered all my courage and wrote a short message to her. Sometimes, I just logged in to check her photos. Sometimes, I stayed late going through her pages. Nothing appeared more important than her.She became my first priority in my daily agenda.

Until now,the day I started my journey has not come to an end.i feel still I’m travelling on voyage. i’m still longing for her.i have become prey to her heart.i want to express my feeling to you today.I have searched you high in the mountain and deep in the valley.I left no stone unturned in search of you.Now,I feel I found you.A person close to my heart.I offer you a special place in my heart.I would nurture you in me with my every heart beat. Every throb of my blood contains your feeling.I have nothing to give you.I just want to give you my heart, which just beats for you ,always and forever.i will not promise to solve all your problem myself but I promise I won’t let you solve it alone.I will always be at your side.I want to be your shadow and be with you always.I want to be your morning sun and soothing evening moon.I want to be you heart beat.Infact,I want to be your life.

Now, you heard my message. i want you to weigh my feeling. My feeling is true and pure. My feeling is unconditional and un subjective. My feeling is like word craved on rock. With conviction I propose you.i propose you to accept my love. Because, without you I’m worthless. I promise, I won’t bring tears on your eyes.I promise I would give all happiness. I promise, I will be your prince charming now and forever.

I pray you don’t let me down. I pray you  not to let my mom’s prayer go unanswered. You are my mom’s prayer and god gift to me. I love you, I Love you, I love you GD!!!

"Love is cruel Somtime"

Love is cruel sometime.

H

and in hand, a crisp fresh breeze caressing their faces, they had a walk down Central park. She was pretty. Today, she had her hair tied on the nape of her neck, with a few strands of it loosely falling over her face. With his hair clean cut and freshly shaven, he was of whom any one would say, “Hotdamn-that’s a man”. Anyone looking at them would see at the once a perfect couple of turtle-doves. They looked sweet and adorable as they sat down on the bench taking a breather with his strong arm warmly held her close. They murmured sweet nothing to each other..

If only they know what is going on in each other mind. An air of awkwardness hung around them. She felt guilty, not being able to stop thinking about Dorjee. Dorjee was two year senior to her. When she first came to the college, it was Dorjee, who helped her. In the so called foreign land, having someone lik to help her find her feet, she considered herself lucky. Inseparable, they ate together, met during breaks and, since both commuted to and fro, went back hostel together.

With the passage of time, they became more than a friend. Whenever she saw Dorjee, a thrill ran down her spine. She knew it meant something as it never happened with Degyal. She couldn’t stop thinking about Dorjee, wondering what he was up to. She knew it was wrong but she never told dorjee about Degyal, neither did he ask about her past.

Dorjee unaware of the other man in her life, was the happiest guy alive. He simply knows for sure that the Srijana love for him was no more than how he felt for her.

Every night she prayed for the courage, so that she could clear up the mess before it became too dirty. Degyal and Srijana had been together for almost a year. Degyal was sent to California while she remained in New York.

Although distant, they felt happy to be on the same landmass. Degyal loved Srijana madly.  He was head over heels about her. As for Srijana; well, she did like him but Degyal could never make her feel as Dorjee did. She realized Degyal was not for her.  She knew she had to do something but what? The phone call between them dwindled; she did not say much and Degyal grew more and more concerned. Then came the real tricks. Degyal had come to spend time with Srijana and Srijana knowing that it was now or never, asked him to meet her in Central Park as she had something important to say. Degyal now waits patiently for her to speak. She doesn’t want to hurt  Degyal but she has to do it. She faces him, feeling the hot tears about to follow…

“What is it, Srijana? It seems something really wrong?” asks Degyal.

“I’m sorry, really sorry but I think we not made for each other; I have……I have met someone I love”……

Her word hit Degyal like darts. He froze. He wanted to beg,”please don’t go. I can’t live without you.

What have I done wrong?. ”He wants to say so many things but nothing comes out. Nothing comes out of his deserted lips. Srijana, turns away and sobs. He rests his head in hand and thinks. All his dreams….dreams he wanted to share with her, have come to a cul de sac. “I know how you must be feeling”, she went on. “I didn’t want to hurt you but I can’t just go on this way with you when my heart and mind are with Dorjee. Please forgive me, if you ever can”. Degyal pulled her near, held her close and said, ”you know how much I love you, my dear but no one has power to make anybody love them in return. If I hold you back, I’m just gonna hurt you. This guy, whoever he is, is sure lucky to have you, love him. Today may be our last time together but don’t ever forget that if you ever want a shoulder to cry on or someone to share your joys with, I will always be there. You will remain a precious part of me, a memory that can never be erased”. So saying, he gave her his last kiss and walked away. With a heavy heart, tears filling his eyes, he lost the person he had loved most in the world.

Love sometime is so cruel.

Poem"To My Beloved"

                                                       To My Beloved!!!

                                                           The clouds creep over

the mind frets with worries
The fear of falling...
Yet one thing bother me,
How are you? My Beloved!


                                                                                              What can i do to please you?
                                                                                                The rest is uneasy thought,
                                                                                                     with pleasant image of my beloved!
                                                                                        
 I surrender to you, my faithful soul,
                                                                                                far as i go over hills,dream land
                                                                                      
                                                I feel your presence in nature's heart
                                                Please surrender my immortal love

Life is about sacrifice for love
Never should you part from me
No hills stands between us,
Don't betray me,my love
i hope fly far with understanding
Love's meaning remaining sterilized
i propose,love me for generations,

                                                                                         I trust you every breath
                                                                                         Every word you speak,
                                                                                         help me god to win her
                                                                                         Angelic soul FOREVER.

My First love!

Shedding tears of sadness
for our feelings were all in vain;
one has betrayed my faith,
and brought disappointment
to my hearts door.
                                                    As i wipe tears drops from my eyes,

               my sick heart bears the pain;
               she played with my emotion
                like a toy, whilst i
                earnestly plight my truth,
               and send my sense reeling.
              She is jolly by appearance
               and playful at heart:
               I regret i have been misled.

                                                                       
  I gave all my heart to her,
  but in the end,betrayal i earned.                                     
  I dont want to rise in love anymore,
  or fall that way again;
  For all we get is simply a PAIN!!